The Inner Self

Integration Post: The Quarter-Life Crisis

Several collages made by me for each module: I learn how the self is not entirely definable, and is continually shaped by people. Not just around me, but all over the globe. The youth of today is breaking social norms and we can realize this a little better by understanding the self.

MODULE 1 THE SELF OF THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, SENSATIONS, AND BEHAVIORS

The first module is something that I felt was important for a freshman just coming into Ateneo and experiencing college for the first time. We learned theories on how to regulate ourselves emotionally by increasing positive affect, decreasing negative affect, and enhancing well-being. Furthermore, we even learned and were given opportunities to be kind to our fellow classmates in the activities we were required to do and try to increase the positive energy in ourselves and those around us. I felt that it tied in with Ateneo’s value of: cura personalis or “person-for-others” I learned how emotions worked, and how this is connected to the physical world. In order to improve my emotional health, I needed to connect more the the world around me, and this means connecting with those I see most often: my family, my friends, but most importantly, my schoolmates who I am going to spend the next 4 years with.

MODULE 2 DEVELOPMENT OF SELF AND IDENTITY

The second module attempts to answer the question: “Who am I?” Identity is formed not just from the self, but through the relations garnered by the person. There is such a thing called a “quarter-life crisis” that college students may be fast approaching. They are expected to find their identity in a world where multiple are found and have a hard time deciding. This actually goes in hand with one specific lesson from our social science class which would be the psychosocial stages of Erik Erikson in which a human would find conflict in a specific stage of their lives and the solution to these conflicts actually are what shape the person. Currently, a freshman in college would be at the Identity vs. Confusion stage. We are expected to form relationships but at the same time, further our own identity. Coming from an all-girls school, entering college is honestly the first time I had regular interaction from boys my own age and this gave way for conflict in my self. I had not previously thought of entering relationships with the opposite sex, and this revelation has come quite late into my life due to the context of my childhood and high school education. Although quite a juvenile problem, it still does hinder me from completing this psychosocial stage and in turn, prevent me from reaching my identity. Only time will tell what will become of my identity, and I believe this must be solved with my individual effort with my peers in order to be socialized.

MODULE 3 DYNAMICS OF SELF AND OTHERS IN CLOSE RELATIONSHIPS

Furthering the talk about relationships, the system of “blocks” in college is actually an effective way to socialize a new person into the environment. The person is automatically surrounded by a potential peer group that would interact within the same space and have the same activities. However, in this day and age: a popular way of interacting with those similar to you is through the internet. Of course, this channel provides distractions and gives different ideas to the individual which causes conflict in the ideas that a person develops with these and the ideas of others. The “Quarter-Life Crisis” is actually a new term coined in, that I believe may have come from the rise of social media and the new generation that was raised with it. Now there are multiple identities a person can possess, different facades, and ideas and cultures from all around the globe that cause an information overload for the person. Personally, I do not get swayed very easily by the cultures and ideas from those across the globe. “Trends” that normally sway those in my peer group do not have much of an effect on me. However, news travels fast through social media. Most of it depressing to say the least, which is why my generation (Gen Z) is growing up in a nihilistic and depressed environment. Mental health is at an all-time low, and this is very evident in my peers in the physical world as well, when we talk about our feelings with one another in real-time, the consensus seems clear: Social Media and the ugly truths it brings contribute to the identity conflict an emerging adult is experiencing.

MODULE 4 THE SELF AS LOCATED AND CONSTRUCTED IN THE SOCIAL WORLD

Indeed, the context in which one grows up in affects how that person is going to interact with the world and the behaviors they will possess. The collage I used for this module discusses sexuality. I wonder what habitus is present for people who identify with the LGBTQ+ community? For majority, they are looked down upon by society for having homosexual tendencies, or tendencies that just deviate from the norm in general. The newest generation, Gen Z, is by far the most tolerant generation of our LGBT brothers and sisters. Even if the society constructed by our parents would like to condemn these people, there is rebellion present. There are more allies nowadays than those against these people. Our generation is deviating from the constructed norms and habitus that our families are imposing on us. Could it be from social media? In any case, Gen Z is expressing their agency of self, and are becoming empowered in themselves despite not even being in positions of power. A generation on the cusp of the “Quarter-Life Crisis” is going to reinvent itself beyond the bounds of our constructed society. With the lessons I have learned in Social Science, I realize that the person, especially one in the 21st Century cannot exactly be bound by the theories developed by on in the 19th or 20th century. The self is an ever-evolving being, and it is not entirely explainable. I am just a student, but through observing my peers, and in learning more about myself, I see a mirror between myself and the rest of the youth, something that is not yet completely defined. Something that is going to be in conflict for a while. And only understood by its own self, and not by anyone else.

MAGIS~

Bonus: Antigone

Antigone is a play unlike any other I have watched before. It is revealed at the end that the ending depends on the audience and the choices they make regarding the fate of the characters or rather, the fate of the main character: Antigone. Antigone is a girl born into a political family. As such, she was born into privilege and never experienced hardship or injustice in her life. When her father is replaced by president Kreon, a strict and relentless president who kills any who disobeys him. She is suddenly affected as it is her brother who was shot. Her brother gave firearms to peasant revolting farmers and was killed for his “treason”. Antigone goes against presidential orders and steals her brother’s corpse and gives him a proper burial. The president is enraged by her actions and the fate of these characters is decided by a peasant trial. Various members of the philippine society act as the defense and prosecution and tries to convince the jury (the audience) their side of the story.

At the end of the play, I voted red: which was to let Antigone die. Although I understood her motives, they were still selfish in the end. I believed her brother’s actions were correct, in all honesty, but Antigone only acted out of filial piety, and not for the Philippine country. The majority audience vote ended up being white (or letting Antigone live) But at the end, Antigone ends up being shot and her body is left on the floor. I am curious as to what would happen if Antigone was found guilty and if she would still die. The person I actually wanted dead was president Kreon. His character is a very obvious parallel to president Duterte and I felt his crimes against the Filipino people should have been punished, however, there was no choice for that so I voted red.

The entire play was amazing and refreshing. The court was anarchical and fair at the same time with both sides of the court able to present their cases without added politics or corruption (unlike in a normal court proceeding). Which helped the audience make an unbiased decision.

Binhi Paper

A way to spread awareness could be through social media

Going into BINHI, I was a little apprehensive in dealing with people so different from me. Luckily, I was with a few blockmates and this helped make the process easier. The women from Buklod ng Kababaihan were very open about their experiences and in talking about topics that were normally seen as taboo, such as sexuality and prositution. It was an eye-opening experience for me because it is rare to hear stories about thse topics just said plainly without sugar-coating or lightening to seem “appropriate”

The habitus of the people from Buklod ng Kababaihan were very open about ideas of prostitution and women empowerment because that is what their whole lives revolve around. These ideas are very important to them so they have ingrained it into their lifestyle and it affected the ways they talked to and interacted with the students. However, they were also restricted in terms of where they could go and what they did because of their lower socio-economic status. With this, they have less freedom to do the things they want. They are unable to pursue education or take time off because they need to make a living.

Meanwhile, the habitus of the Ateneo students were more conservative in terms of speaking about liberal ideas. That is not to say that do not have these ideas, but the society that they have grown up in has prevented them from speaking about these ideas due to social norms. This is why the BINHI experience was very effective as it exposed the Ateneo students to different lifestyles. Ateneo students are more liberal in terms of their choices of where to go in life. They have more career path choices and more time for leisure and engagement. With these differences in habitus, I do recognize that Ateneans have a certain privilege compared to their other brothers and sisters in the Philippines and it is important that we use this to help others rise up.

The BINHI experience taught me many valuable lessons. As a woman myself, it was empowering for people to be talking about sensitive topics such as gender inequality and it encouraged me to adopt more of the Buklod’s lifestyle of being more open to these ideas and for spreading awareness and inclusivity.

Assignment: Memes

The meme I made was meant in a figurative sense. Online, people like me tend to be more confident and voice their opinions more. This is probably because we can take the time to carefully plan out what we want to say, thus seem more eloquent online. In reality, I can be shyer and less sure of myself since I still need to filter what I want to say in day-to-day interactions. Thus, I feel smaller and less secure in the real world. Hiding behind a screen and anonymity can make people feel “bigger” and better than their offline selves.

Beyond the Looking Glass Self

Some Questions to Reflect Upon

Societal structures also build us as people

A structure that helps increase my sense of agency would be academic institutions. Places like school and college expand my mind and give me purpose: to study hard to become successful in the future. Of course, i do want to make my parents proud with my accomplishments in these places. But ultimately, this is for me to build foundations for life in the future.

However, this structure can also limit myself. There are many rules here that restrict people into certain areas. There are dress codes that limit self expression. Policies that prevent immediate action to things you want to do, like creating an event. We students must follow due process in places like this and this creates obstacles from accomplishing the things we want to do.

As a freshman, i think i lack connections to people in college and this hinders me from becoming more agentic. I am not as aware of the opportunities given to me and I am not familiar with most upperclassmen so that they can give me information. It takes time for me to figure things out my myself and this is an goal easier achieved when there is someone who has gone through the same thing guiding you.

I think i can acquire the resource of connections through joining more extra-curricular activities such as organizations here in school. This gives me the opportunity to meet more people and i can establish connections to those more adjusted to Ateneo life

Currently, I think i have the resource of my academic skills that can help me create sense of agency and self-esteem. The things i have learned in high school, both social and academic, can give me an advantage to create more friends and get good marks on college for myself. This can boost my self-esteem as someone who is capable of succeeding.

Reflection #5

All The World’s A Stage

When you think of yourself and the qualities you possess, would other people end up with the same set of characteristics? One could be presenting a facade of characteristics to others, a mask that creates an entirely new set of self. What I thought of myself at first might be considered my backstage self.

A list of what I thought were my main inner characteristics:

Analytical
Indecisive
Quick
Impatient

However, I when I asked my friend what she thought of me, it created a different list:

Smart
Responsible
Confident
Bookish

My friend’s impression of me was someone who was confident and sure of her actions. I seemed like the type of person who knew lots of things and tried to make the best of them. This would be my onstage self. However, I felt the opposite. I feel like my mind is always thinking of things that may go wrong. Yes, it may help me be prepared for anything. This might be why I come off as responsible since I try to take care of many things. However, I am usually worried and erratic when trying to solve my problems. I am not sure of what solution would be right and tend to overthink things greatly.

These reflections tell me that my mind certainly does not change when interacting with other people. But my actions actually do come off in a different way than I intended it to. This actually hides how I am feeling. I do try to seem more confident and sure of myself with other people but this does not necessarily change my own mindset. The self that other people see is just another facet of my whole personality. And even though I may not make a conscious effort to change myself, other people still perceive me in a different way than I perceive myself.

Reflection # 4

Happiness, both yours and others’, is within arm’s reach

Our increasing positive affect activity in social science was about doing good deeds for those around us. I did not really want to do good deeds just for the sake of doing them so I did wonder if it was morally right to do such things. However, I did enjoy doing nice things for my parents, friends, and blockmates. It helped me become more aware of my surroundings and where my assistance could be needed in certain situations.

One of my blockmates (who was also my groupmate) would try to do nice things for everyone and explained how it was helping “fill his quota” for the day. That made me smile a bit bit more because it was a nice way to spin this situation. We could try to set a quota of good deeds and increase them day by day to maximize the amount of positivity we are giving to those around us.

All in all, the goal of the activity was to increase positivity in ourselves and others and a good goal like this is definitely worth putting effort into on a day to day basis.

Reflection #2

Infographic of my Basic Emotions

Reflection #3

3 Things I am Grateful For:

September 26, 2019

Family – My family is always there for me and I am grateful for my parents who are always looking out for me and my siblings who always try to understand me. I am grateful every time they show concern for me and I should try to show my appreciation more outwardly.
Z5 – My block is such a great support system. Entering Ateneo, I was not sure if I would be able to make any friends but my block has actually made it hard to be alone on most days. I am grateful that I was placed in Z5 and for the kindness and fun my blockmates give me everyday.
God – I am grateful for His presence everyday. He wakes me up, keeps me safe on my drive to school, and watches over me for the rest of the day. His Plan has brought me to where I need to be and I am grateful for Him blessing me with a good life.

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”
William Anthony Ward

Module 1: My Self : Inside and Out

A GIF type collage expressing my feelings about this lesson of the Self:
Our identities are shaped both within ourselves and through our environment
Made in Canva
(for creative presentation)

Module 1: The Self – Inside and Out

When posed with the task to express my identity, I first tried to look within myself to find out who I was. I didn’t know where to begin. There are many facets of my person, and in order to unpack all my baggage – emotional or otherwise – I first need to look beyond “Me”. Globalization is an ever-present part of our lives and it is impossible to develop one’s self without seeing the effects of this. I see various cultures around the world and I recognize that I too, have many different cultures and identities within me. As a Filipino-Chinese person, I see two spheres of influence which merge together seamlessly within me. As a daughter, my family is important to me; However, my goals as a student might prevent me from spending time with said family. There may be opposing factors within myself; but still, they are apart of me. In our lesson, we discussed how these may cause identity crises in a person. I have always felt comfortable in my dual identities though, and perhaps the main source of conflict would be balancing the two in a way that treats them equally.

Another reason why I have not experienced a crisis of identity is because these stated parts of me are important, and I am not ashamed of them. I have always tried to incorporate them into my life. This creates an interesting dialogue in my brain as I balance schoolwork with family time or practice both Filipino and Chinese cultures in my household. And I see these hybrid cultures and identities in my classmates in Ateneo as well, who come from various backgrounds and different contexts. I cannot ignore the benefits of the diversity in class and I am all for this new flavor of heterophily that college has brought me. My “self” will continue to develop over time. This identity of mine is not just a solo act but a duality of opposing factors. It is a collection of values, thoughts, and ideas not just from myself, but the entire world.